Sunday, April 03, 2005

Offices of Rev. Fitzgerald open for business

SACRAMENTO, Calif. - I have degrees in English (Sonoma State College, 1973), and Communication Studies (California State University, Chico, 1983) and now I have an ecclesiastical credential courtesy of the Universal Life Church of Modesto, California, where the church is headquartered only a few hours drive from here.

In many states, I can now marry people, legally, though as a ship's captain, I supposed I could have been marrying people if we simply sailed outside the three-mile national limit of the U.S. or the much expanded territorial waters of Mexico.

It would be a lot more lucrative to be able to perform divorces, but that would require enrolling in law school, a bar exam (not the bar exam I take most weekends), and, ugh, some actual work.

This document came after spending an embarrassingly small amount of time at A few keystokes later and 'voila' an ordained minister.

But the biggest question is can I now declare my condo on the American River a church, and exempt from taxes? We could call it The La Riviera Chapel of the Oaks & Assorted Ragweeds.


And just where to list it on my resume is a puzzle. Is it community service, consulting, professional development, or personal?

Or does it suggest a whole new category for my resume: Just Dumb Stuff.

Amen, y'all.

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