Thursday, July 28, 2005

Flying Jet Blue - with the Fox Nut Network

VALOIS, New York - One of the wonders of flying Jet Blue is the cable television right in the seatback in front of you.

There you can watch all those cable channels you never watch at home, and tons of infomercials on some channels I had never heard of until my recent red-eye sojourn, a 5.5 hour jaunt from Sacramento to JFK.

Now they offer two 'premium' movies, also, which cost an additional $5 each, but they make it easy by having a credit card slot right next to the screen for you to enter a card.

I didn't watch the TV at first, I sloshed down a glass of wine, had a chocolate biscotti for a snack and tried to sleep for the first couple of hours.

But damn, the seat I was in was uncomfortable, particularly the cushion area. After twisting and turning like a toddler - and getting some hard stares from the poor woman sitting next to me - I asked a very bored flight attendant for three of those little pillows they give you to rest your head on.

I rested my tired butt on the pillows instead and fell asleep again.

When I woke up, most of the people on the plane were watching the Fox Nut Network. (Oops, sorry. It is the esteemed Fox News Network, fair and balanced you know.) The nut network was running live copter shots of a car chase in Los Angeles, with the announcer breathlessly giving details like, "He's turning left, he's turning right. Now he's going straight."

What would viewers have done without this highbrow commentary?

The chase was definitely a real chase, because instead of a fiery crash at the end and a shootout, the fellow driving a white sedan (What kind of crook does a high speed chase in a white four-door sedan for Godsakes?), well, he just stopped his car, walked over the sidewalk and laid down, putting his hands behind his head - before the police even got out of their cruisers.

Of course, the announcer sounded like the police had just apprehended a member of the Bin Laden family, when I'll bet the poor guy had been drinking and didn't want yet another DUI. That or he had a bunch of parking tickets. It was Los Angeles after all.

It was a fitting end to the flight and great introduction to the JFK airport where uniformed police with guns seem to outnumber the travelers and the waitresses in the coffee shops chewed gum in 4/4 time, ignoring all customers, except for the cops.

But the upside was the vast variety of donuts on sale - four different sizes of maple bars alone.

Jumbo Maple Surprise anyone?

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